Migraine

My head feels like cracking today...
Nauseous... and my stomach is churning like there's no tomorrow.
I don't like it when my body's acting up....

A later phase...

Right now, I'm with his family, taking advantage of the Christmas break to get to know more of him in a different perspective. The more time I spend with him, the more I realized how strong he is... and how fragile his insides if ever he was hurt.

The family welcomed me, a stranger, into their home with open arms & big hearts (not to mention the embraces & the kisses from the female relatives...heheh!). But of course, I've been discreetly scrutinized by them in most details... kinda daunting...kih3x!

Anyway, let us see how the next day is going to be...

Phew...

Lama gile aku tak masuk blog.

Skang dh dok JB, keje dlm industri hospitaliti.

Pengalaman baru, tapi menarik.

BF? Belum ada yang pasti, tapi dh ada prospek... hehehe!

Ada banyak nk cerita, tapi bagi bunga2 dulu aja... =)

Aidilfitri yang aku ingat...

Sebelum aku melajutkan bicara, Salam Aidilfitri buat rakan2 sekalian. Ampun maaf zahir dan batin andai ada keterlanjuran kata2 dan perbuatan...

Aidilfitri tahun ini tidak sama seperti sebelumnya... sangat menyedihkan? Kenapa? ada orang mati ke...?
Takdelah. Cumanya sambutan&kunjungan tidak semeriah dulu.
Tahun ni, ada 2 biskut raya yang ku buat tak berapa menjadi... tak tau la kenapa...
Mungkin mood tak elok kot masa tu.
Apapun, teringat zaman kanak2 dulu, betapa aku dan keluarga sangat2 menantikan kedatangan Aidilfitri. Masa tu, kami menetap di Terengganu. Perjalanan pulang ke Perak selalunya mengambil masa 10 jam (kalau ke Gerik - kampung Mama) / 12 jam (kalau ke Batu Kurau - kampung Abah). Balik pun cuma 2 kali sethn: Aidilfitri & cuti akhir tahun. Jadi memang teruja sangat walaupun peerjalanan jauh, dgn tanah runtuh pe bagai kat Hiway Timur Barat, jumpa gajah la, perintah berkurung la... macam2.

Beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, kami sekeluarga cuma berhari raya di Gurun. Nak balik kampung pun dah takde sgt dah. Opah, Tok Ayah, Tok, Tok Wan pun dah tak ada. Nak p umah saudara mara pun, dorg pun ada family dorg sendiri.

Penghayatan raya pun dah berbeza...budak2 skang bukan nk beraya sgt pun... nak kutip duit je...yg paling kurang ajar...main ketuk2 kat pagar je mintak duit raya... Abah aku tak layan...dia kata "Kalau nak duit aja tak payah datang...BALIK!"

Aku dulu syok kalau raya. Leh merasa kepelbagaian kuey, rendang (orang Perak ada macam2 rendang), tgk hiasan umah...leh la nk wat idea utk umah sendiri thn depannya.

Kita tgk lak raya thn depan camana...

Napa ni? Aku dh jadi mellow ke...huhuhu!

I just got out from the cinema. Watched 'Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince'. It was an awesome movie, without a doubt. Can't wait for the next two final installments of 'Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows'. Read the book already... man, it had got me gripping on my seats... phew!

Before going to the movies, I stopped by a bookstore. Just wandering around. Paas by the 'English Fiction' section...and saw 'P.s. I Love You' by Cecilia Ahern. I dunno why but suddenly felt a wave of emotions surging inside of me. It reminded me of the movie version of the story... so touching... yet so tragic beneath it.

Sometimes, it is easier to accept death of someone we loved than going through a heartfelt breakup... isn't it?

A question to be pondered...

I had a so-called-interesting conversation with a relative while I was attending a wedding feast of a dear cousin back in my 'kampung' in Perak. I was never really fond with this relative as she is widely known as the 'poison tongue'. Out of respect for the elders, I had to (unwillingly) sit next to her since everywhere else is full.

After we had our fill, she immediately started a conversation with me.. pestering me with the 'when-is-your-turn-to-get-married' series of questions. My mum was glancing at me the time, since we (my sis+I and my parents) were seated separatedly from each other, worrying that I might said the wrong thing that might lead to self-humiliation at my expense.

Some of the questions being peppered at me:

"Kenapa kamu tak kawen lagi? Jual mahal kot."
(Why aren't you married yet? Are you being hard-to-get?)

"Kamu tu dh nak masuk 30, kena cepat2 kawen. Kang dh tak laku lagi dah."
(You're almost 30 now, should get hitched soon. If not, nobody wants you after that.)

"Kamu gemuk sangat la. Cuba kuruskan badan skit... baru la ada lelaki yg nakkan kamu."
(You're too fat. Try to slim down.. only then, the men will take an interest of you.)

There were other provoking questions, but I'm only listing the ones that she uttered oh-so-loudly in the presence of other guests... so that I would cower myself somewhere in the corner, being ashamed of the current status of myself. Anyway, I didn't give much answers to all of her questions, which prompted her to speak louder for obvious reasons. I wasn't so uncomfortable with that situation and ended up giving her the ultimatum...

"Jodoh pertemuan bukan kita tetapkan.. tu kuasa Allah. Memang Yong tau sepupu2 yg lebih muda suma dh kawen, tapi sbb jodoh dorg dah sampai. Yong tak nafikan Yong memilih, memilih yg ikhlas nakkan Yong & dah sedia nk membina hidup berkeluarga. Salah ke kalau Yong memilih dari segi tu?"

(Marriage and soulmate are not things that we can fixed on.. that is God's will. I know that cousins who are younger than I am is already married, but that is because they have met their destined partner. I admit that I'm a bit choosy, on the grounds that I'm looking for a person who sincerely likes me and is ready to build a familial life. Was it wrong for me to be choosy in that way?)

She was a bit stunned... since I had never display such words when I talk to her.. Hell, I never really did talk to her all these while.. Those who were sitting near to us had eventually eavesdropped on our conversation and began to chip in... by putting their support on my side. I was touched by their words of support and I know that they had noticed the awkward situation that I was in at that time. In the end, the 'poisonous' aunt left in a sour mood, knowing that her strategy had backfired.

I just don't understand why does she (the poisonous aunt) had to be mean to me or anyone else that matters... and I'm sure that most of my still-single friends had to sometimes deal/face with these kind of people. It's kinda sad when you think of it.. how they fail to understand the thing in whole, bigger picture. Let's just hope that God will lit the path for them... Amin.

p/s: org melayu itu digambarkan berbudi bahasa,
namun hakikatnya ramai yang lebih suka mencerca,
org melayu itu digambarkan bersopan santun,
tapi tak ramai yang macam tu pun.

tak mustahil kalau dikata, orang melayu itu suka mengadu domba,
marah bila orang mengata, namun gembira bila orang terluka.
Entahlah...
Bila agaknya orang Melayu akan berubah...

Astro(k)....haih...

I think that most houses in Malaysia, especially in the urban & suburban areas, are Astro subscribers. As matter of fact, since it is the only cable TV operator that we have here, it seems like they are taking advantage of that fact in outrageous and (sometimes) unbelievable manner.

My family has only been a recent subscriber for the past 6 years. I do not have a clue to what extent it has evolved since the early beginning, but recent additions to Astro had prompted me to write in this page.

Right now, the whole world is struggling with the economic crisis. With more people losing their job, getting pay cut, incresing prices of goods... some of us had to forgo some of the luxuries of life (cable TV included). And yet... last week.. I was astonished to find that one of my favorite channels on Astro, Kirana (formerly on Ch122) had gone. A mysterious preview channel, Mustika, had taken place on Ch130. For the next couple of days, it was revealed that Mustika is a new package which consists of 3 channels: Citra (replacing Kirana), Warna (a new channel which will feature comedy theme) and B4U (focused on Bollywood contents).

I'm not trying to rally a hate team to Astro... neither do I want to demean their services (although I had to admit that the reception sometimes gets on my nerves especially when it rains). The only question I had in my mind right now was... In times like this, when everybody is getting more frugal and careful with their spending, how could Astro had the balls to bring in a promotion like that? Besides, I don't see the need to add in those channels.

I had to admit, I'm not exactly a big follower of Kirana channel, but it does provide good and quality movies from time to time. The fact that is screened movies form the Asian regions and other international screens, I appreciated the variety that it displays from time to time. Besides, I usually tuned in to Kirana for the horror night, in which it will screen horror movies on Thursday and Friday nights. I love watching 'My Wife is A Gangster 3'... it's damn hillarious.

Well, I guess that money is taking over the interests of the customer. I just want to wait and see what's going to happen next.

Until then...

p/s: To any of staffs of Astro who read this, I'm just voicing out about what I think. Like I said, I'm not trying to gather hate mail to you guys... My sister and I really miss Kirana channel... huhu!

Panas... yang panas...

Alhamdulillah... setelah beberapa minggu kepanasan... akhirnya hujan turun jua sepanjang pagi ini... sehingga kini, awan redup aja. Mungkin sebagai pengubat kepanasan sebab semalam letrik takdak dekat stgh hari... rasa terbakor muka pun ada...huhu!

Skang ni Malaysia makin gawat dengan pelbagai masalah dalaman. Semakin kacau bilau... bikin takut pun ada. Kenapa keadaan perlu jadi begini? Secara peribadi, skang ni nk jalan2 kuar umah pun dah seriau, melainkan kalau kuar reramai. Tapi tu pun lum tentu selamat.

Sedih... bila mana kita tak rasa selamat lagi di negara sendiri...
Sedih... bila mana ikhlas itu tidak lagi menjadi sifat warga kita...
Sedih... bila mana kita merasakan yg masa depan itu amat tidak menentu...

Moga Allah permudahkan jalan kehidupan wat kita semua... Amin...

Adoiyai...

I lost my temper today... but this time, it was milder than the last time.

It wasn't exactly my character to be that... and I felt so... lethargic whenever it happens.

Why can't the students just be more attentive...?
Tak perlu la aku nk terjerit2 macam orang tak betul.
Payah, buat baik pun salah... garang sgt pun salah...
Kadang2 aku rasa generasi skang dah kurang rasa empati pada orang lain.
Dorang macam lebih pentingkan diri sendiri... kiasu even...

Sedih...tapi nk wat camana...itulah realitinya....

Just now, I had lunch with few of my colleagues... since it was a casual session, so I was sort-of able to see what they really think about their job in their own perspective. I had an outmost respect for them, knowing that they are more experienced and they been 'through it all, seen it all, done that' in their profession. I wish that their students could actually get a two-cents worth of their conversation... because deep down, these teachers are really sincere and dedicated in helping the students. I know how they felt, because that was exactly what ticks me off this morning.

I'm just curious; was it the generation gap that we have, or is it simply that we have lost sense of morality in our today's society...? Each & everyday, we're hearing more students are becoming juvenile deliquents. Lack of attention from parents? Less restriction in schools? It's just that I'm seeing schools nowadays are becoming as a less trusted institution in the society. Don't blame the teachers totally... they have more burden to carry ontheir shoulders. Parents, if you are so concerned about your children's education, please try to understand that these teachers are humans too. They are not able to focus their attention on your child(ren) every single hour. Should they ignore the other needy 120 students (note: the number of students can reach up to 40 per class on average) just to focus on one so-called-important son/daughter of yours?

A teacher is blinded to prejudices & biasness. Every child deserves a fair chance in education, so parents... please give a fair chance to the teachers too... One friend even told me that she's got some sort of 'poison letter' which has been written by a parent and has been sent to the 'higher authorities' outside the school. If you were to ask me, that person is a coward... pengecut... segala mendanya kecut... If you are really concerned about what the teacher had done at school, especially regarding discipline matters, come see the intended person face-to-face. That way, we can find out who's at fault in the first place...

Sedih sangat kan...

Bukit Selambau oh Bukit Selambau....

Seperti mana yang telah diketahui, semalam (7 April '09) telah berlangsung 3 pilihanraya kecil. Yang menarik perhatian saya pada pilihanraya kali ini adalah pertandingan di Bukit Selambau.

Seramai 15 orang bertanding jawatan bagi Ahli Dewan Undangan Negeri, which I think...sangatlah mengarut. From the 15, sorg dari BN, sorg dari Pakatan Rakyat dan selebihnya adalah calon bebas.

Seriously, apalah sangat kerusi DUN tuh? Apa yang nak dikejar oleh calon2 bebas ni? Secara jujurnya, nmpk sangat macam nk kejar pangkat. Yes, I can understand that you have your own supporters and people backing you up... plus you have the adequate financial means to pay for the election (the fees and campaign materials), but it takes more than that to become a wakil rakyat. Kalau dilihat pada wakil2 rakyat yang ada sekarang ini, anda sendiri boleh merasakan ada satu aura 'wakil rakyat' yang tak dapat nak dijelaskan, biarpun kita tidak dapat melihat individu wakil rakyat itu secara bersemuka. Tapi bila melihatkan calon2 bebas yang ditonjolkan samada di kaca tv atau dalam akhbar, kebanyakannya macam takde tokoh langsung.

Itu dari segi ketokohan dah takde. Ni plak dari sudut perlawanan sesama calon tu sendiri. Fine, saya boleh terima kalau calon2 itu ingin mewakili rakyat dengan membawa konsep atau perjuangan yang mungkin bukan sealiran dengan mana2 calon arus perdana yang lain. Tapi sendiri tak boleh fikir ke.. kalau dah sampai lebih dari 8 orang yang bertanding di satu kawasan kecil dengan jumlah pengundi yang tak seberapa, adakah anda fikir yang anda mampu utk meraih sokongan (saya tak sebut menang sbb saya lebih suka berfikiran realistik)? Mungkin kedengaran seperti demokrasi itu telah berjaya dilaksana, namun hakikatnya pengisian itu tidak membawa apa2 makna langsung. Kesudahannya, dahla tak menang, duit dh habis beribu2... dalam kegawatan ekonomi sekarang, kan lebih baik kalau wang itu dilaburkan utk menda2 yang lebih bermanfaat...?

Bagi calon2 bebas ini, saya bukan berniat untuk mengkritik anda. Anda mempunyai pilihan untuk menyertai bidang politik, dan kalaupun niat anda hanyalah utk membantu rakyat ke arah kehidupan yang lebih baik, tidak semestinya anda perlu bermula terus dari politik. Apa salahnya kalau wang yang telah anda laburkan itu anda gunakan utk memulakan suatu projek yang akan memberi manfaat kepada orang ramai. Buat la projek macam projek pertanian dan agrikultur, wujudkan peluang pekerjaan kerana itu adalah apa yg kebanyakan rakyat perlukan skarang dalam masa tempoh kegawatan ekonomi ini. Wujudkan industri kecil yang mana kuarkan barangan Malaysia, yang boleh kita gunakan bersama. Bina nama anda sebagai orang yang boleh diharapkan dulu sebelum anda berhasrat mahu menjadi orang yang lebih penting dalam masyarakat. Bilamana anda telah ada suatu 'branding' bagi nama anda, dan anda rasa anda berkeyakinan untuk membawa hasrat dan aspirasi rakyat dalam memimpin mereka ke arah melahirkan masyarakat yang lebih madani, teruskan. Namun harus diingat, niat anda perlu ikhlas dan betul. Bagi yang Muslim, Allah maha mengetahui atas segala2nya yang berlaku... kalau betul niat anda & ikhlas perjuangan anda, InsyaAllah, jalan itu akan dipermudahkan.

Sudah cukup saya membebel utk topik ini. Memetik kata2 pelawak Nabil... 'Ikan kembung ikan tenggiri...lu pikirlah sendiri...'

Until then...

Hidup yang penuh mencabar kesabaran...

Ada masanya, kita merasakan emosi sudah cukup dikawal dan terkawal... namun, pasti akan ada sesuatu yang akan menggugat ketenangan itu...

Ada masanya, pertimbangan akal mengatasi kegopohan hati... namun selalunya, kita tewas dengan perasaan sendiri...

Ada masanya, kebijaksanaan itu lebih penting dari kekayaan... namun hakikat menyebelahi wang & kebendaan yang memungkinkan kita memiliki hampir apa jua yang diingini....

Hidup itu... biarpun tampak indah di mata, namun ada terselit kehodohannya...
Setiap perkara yang disangka baik, ada juga keburukannya...

Apapun, semua itu terpulanglah kepada kita untuk mencorakkannya...
Moga kita diberi pedoman dan petunjuk dari-Nya, semoga kita beroleh yang terbaik dalam kehidupan kita...

Amin.

Penat la

So damn frustrated...
Sakit ati pun ada...
Why is it that those who are closest to you are to ones who gave you the biggest hell of everything...?
There are times when you feel like there's a glimpse of hope when everything else fails, but those who you have confided in are not the ones giving you the moral boost that you need...
Tahla... tak tau la berapa lama lagi aku mampu menanganinya...

An Answered Prayer (copy)

I asked for strength,
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong;

I asked for wisdom,
And God gave me problems to learn to solve;

I asked for prosperity,
And God gave me brain and brawn to work;

I asked for courage,
And God gave me dangers to overcome;

I asked for love,
And God gave me people to help;

I asked for favours,
And God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted - I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered!



~taken from Azriela Jaffe's "Create Your Own Luck" Newsletter, Issue #37~

**i got this from a frenster friend thru the bulletin. it does ring a truth, isn't it?

Hari Yang Baru...

Salam Sumer...
Dah pun tahun 2009... cepatnya masa berlalu.
Aku ada di sini, masih mencari sesuatu yang paling bermakna dalam hidup... but of course, hakikat kewujudan manusia sememangnya nak mencari sesuatu yang memuaskan hati...kan?

Banyak benda yang aku senaraikan dalam 'wishlist' pada tahun ni... tapi ada di antaranya yang mungkin aku takleh nak dapat dalam jangka masa terdekata ni, tapi sekurang2nya hasrat tu dah ada. Nawaitu tu yg panting, then susun plan bagi mencapainya. Macam nk bina bangunan pulak bunyinya.. huhu!

Bagi rakan2 yang masih bersama denganku, trimas aku ucapkan. Sesungguhnya hubungan bersama kalian mematangkan diri ini dan dalam masa yang sama, mengingatkan aku sentiasa tentang siapa diri ini di mata kalian. Maaf jika ada kekhilafan... aku hanya insan biasa.

Until then...